Morton is forever chipping in during seminars with little golden nuggets of knowledge on subjects as diverse as Keats, urbanisation and the Roman Empire. This contribution to society has earned her the prestigious title of 'Assistant (to the) Seminar Tutor'.

Morton attained Gandalf-esque levels of wisdom while attending that excellent institution, 'The School of Life'. Sharon's first class degree in Life Experience gives her the right to peer down her bespectacled nose at inexperienced students.

Don't let her superior years put you off arguing your point. Although when she starts singing the chorus of 'It's A Hard Knock Life' from Annie it might be time to back down.

Before she became such an excellent student, Sharon's achievements included swimming the English Channel, acting in Star Wars and being briefly married to Mick Jagger. She also claims to have been one of the founding fathers of 'The Sky at Night'. Whether we believe her tales or not, Sharon's dedication puts most of us to shame.

Post-lecture Sharon doesn't enjoy a leisurely lunch in Interval. Instead, she can be spotted scurrying hurriedly to the library to snaffle all the best and dustiest books on offer.

Sharon finished her last essay several weeks before the deadline, whilst raising three children and working part-time in a bakery. How can the youngsters compete? They can't, but at least they don't look out of place in Pop Tarts or Space.


This story is from the University of Sheffield's student paper, the Steel Press. Visit their webpage for more stories.