"Very dangerous. Wands need regular inspections to make sure of their safety."

Officer Jobsworth turns to cheerful villager Karen Buckley.

"That sounds a bit South African, doesn't it?"

Indeed it does. With overtones of John Cleese.

But then the leader of the UK's Liberal Democrats has only just got his lines for the role of officer Jobsworth and the matinée performance of Jack and the Beanstalk begins in 30 minutes, so an Afrikaner Monty Python method is how it's going to be.

The Hallam Players have been pantomiming every two years since the late 20th century and each panto has included a guest appearance from the local MP.

This year's panto broke new ground, however. It included both current and past Hallam MPs Nick Clegg and Richard Allan and this was the first time the panto had included a party leader among its cast.

The role of Arnold Jobsworth was actually shared between Richard Allan and Nick Clegg, with the Lib Dem leader taking the Saturday performances (after an 8am consultation with his predecessor).

"Richard played the role as a cross between Peter Sellers and Darth Vader," says Nick Clegg. "But I think my portrayal might be a little less sinister, because my children are coming and I've had a hard time explaining that it's all just pretend.

"But Darth Vader may creep back for the evening," he added. "Maybe I'll put my collar up."

The inclusion of the local Lib Dem MP in the cast has always been a proud tradition for the Hallam Players. "But we're not a Lib Dem panto," insists writer, director and set designer Mike Gardner. "We're entirely independent of the Lib Dems."

(Even though the cast and crew also includes Lib Dem councillors and their children – it seems official independence from the party is important to avoid party sanction of some of the jokes).

Mike, a former drama teacher, adds that the panto has brought members of the local Lib Dem party together, however.

And Nick Clegg felt it important to add during his job interview that, like Richard Allan before him, he had panto experience (at university).

"There are some politicians who could do this and some who couldn't," says Mike.

"It's nice Nick has come. It shows he hasn't forgotten us and what a dedicated, considerate man he is," says Jack, aka 17-year-old Ed Buckley, who along with Fairy Mary Rivka Smith, has been a Hallam Player since his youth as a Babe in the Wood.

"Doing this has boosted my confidence and got me into public speaking," adds Ed. "It's definitely helped me in my career." (Acting, not politicking, that is, in Ed's case. He's hoping to start an acting and stagecraft degree in the autumn).

The Lib Dem leader is equipped with make-up, hard hat, array of coloured biros and clipboard.
(A masterstroke by director Mike Gardner: a comic prop that also doubles as a place to put your lines for someone who only read them for the first time half an hour ago).

And now officer Jobsworth is banished to the lightbox to hide from the incoming 200-strong audience before his dramatic entrance from the stalls a few minutes into the play.

"As a politician you do have to change gear very quickly," he says. "This morning I was at an open surgery in Totley where I was talking about adoption, pensions, tax credit and the human embryology bill and now I've come straight into being a laughable, irritating health and safety officer.

"But I wouldn't want to give health and safety officers a bad name," he quickly adds. "I'm sure they can take a bit of fun like anyone else. Just like dames and stepmothers and ugly sisters down the ages, I think they can take it in the same spirit of being gently mocked in pantomime."

Nick Clegg has settled into his job as Lib Dem leader. "It's really hard work but it's very very rewarding. I'm one of only two people who can quiz the PM every two weeks, which can't be bad."

And to compare his fellow characters with politicians, he adds: "I think Tony Blair would make a good Jack in the Beanstalk and Gordon Brown would be a good giant.

"And the panto in Westminster is even more over the top than the one here."

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