Take three boxes of rice and three kilos of potatoes, bung into a large pot and boil for 90 minutes.
Garnish with a few goals, a clean sheet and three vital points. To paraphrase Crocodile Dundee ‘you can live on it, but it tastes like pants.’
Carlos Carvalhal had his Eric Cantona style ‘seagulls following the trawler’ moment this week by explaining that you can’t get potatoes to play like fish and weirdly I agree with him.
However, as discussed last week, Carvalhal has bought enough organic protein to not neccesitate us having to live on a carb based diet.
The Newcastle United match makes me salavate because despite our bland performances, we play better when teams come at us and Newcastle will.
Our match at St. James Park on Boxing Day was one of the best displays of the season. The team did have fishy Fernando Forestieri and our own piece of rare steak, Sam Hutchinson but it’s not to say Carlos’ potato players can’t get a result against the Magpies.
What we proved on Tuesday night against Rotherham United was that for players like Steven Fletcher and Jordan Rhodes, crosses are their nutrition. We spend too much time on short defensive passes then long balls through the middle that don’t benefit the strikers.
Jack Hunt and Ross Wallace’s crosses found a hungry Fletcher against the Millers and it was clear to Wednesdayites what’s been missing.
I’m glad that Carvalhal also highlighted our inability to defend set pieces after the Barnsley game. Hopefully this will have been addressed in training.
Even without our fish I feel more confident playing Newcastle than I did prior to the Rotherham game. Rotherham had nothing to play for other than pride. It was just their ineptitude in front of goal that stopped them from testing us.
Newcastle want to be champions. The match will be tasty.