29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes

Wednesday, 16th May 2018, 11:13 am
Updated Wednesday, 16th May 2018, 1:29 pm

It's 20 years since surreal musical comedy act The Mighty Boosh first formed - and 15 since its creators Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding had their eccentric, irreverent TV show of the same name commissioned by the BBC.

Even now, it stands as one of British television's most unique and off-the-wall sitcoms. So to celebrate Howard Moon and Vince Noir's madcap adventures, we've compiled some of the TV series' most entertaining outbursts.

Here are 29 of The Mighty Boosh's funniest quotes:

"You haven't seen my mate Howard, have you? Kind of tall, scruffy hair, small eyes like a crab?"

"Goth Juice is the most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith."

"I haven't got anything inside. I'm like a beach ball."

"You know the black bits in bananas - are they tarantulas' eggs?"

Howard: "Ok. We've got to pool our resources. Tweezers, matches, twine, geological hammer. What have you got?"Vince: "Kings of Leon CD."

"The tie is a multi-purpose accessory, y'know. Belt, school boy, Rambo..."

The Spirit of Jazz: "Ow! My hat's on fire! What's wrong with you? You blind? Why didn't you tell me?"Howard: "Sorry, I thought that was your look."

"He asked me to play Blue Train by John Coltrane at his funeral. I couldn't really find that. But I found another song about a train [plays Thomas the Tank Engine theme]."

"Seriously though, you should check out my icy wardrobe. This is the glam rock ski suit..."

Noel Fielding as Vince in the surreal Mighty Boosh (Photo: BBC)

"Come on, Howard. It doesn't matter that you're a virgin. It's fine. Women respect that. They don't mind that you've not gone beyond the kiss."

[On super cool magazine Cheek-Bone]: "It's so cutting edge, it goes out of date every three hours."

"Funk is jazz's deformed cousin."

"Never eat another man's applause!"

Dixon Bainbridge: "The wolf attacked me. But fortunately, I had a pistol hidden in my moustache."

Naboo: "Don't mess with the occult." Vince: "I thought it was good for you. You know. Good for your digestive system." Naboo: "That's Yakult." Vince: "Oh yeah..."

"I do the costumes, you do the music. And this, my friend, represents a major breakthrough on the sewing machine."

"You're about as edgy as a satsuma."

"The written word is like a drug. If you cut me, I bleed ink."

"I was walking through Camden the other day, and I saw you in a skip, weeping."

"Ol' Gregg. Legendary fish. Some say he's half man, half fish. Others say it's more of a seventy-thirty split. Whatever the percentage, he's one fishy b***ard."

Howard Moon has his typically pretentious say (Photo: BBC)

Howard: "I want to be the greatest Jazz player in Yorkshire." The Spirit of Jazz: "Yorkshire? What is Yorkshire?" Howard Moon: "Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind."

Howard: "Where did you get those sunglasses from?"Vince: "A passing coyote took pity on me."

"I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs. Pain. Order up some violent quiche."

Johnny Two Hats: "I'm Johnny Two Hats, why do you think they call me that?"Vince: "Is it because you've got two hats on?"Johnny Two Hats: "Bingo."

"All he needs now is a tall Northern jazzy freak with a moustache and no dress sense."

Vince: "I hate jazz."Howard: "You hate jazz? You fear jazz! You fear the lack of rules."

Vince: "Sorry about earlier. I behaved like a t*t. I was having problems coping with stardom." Howard: "Stardom? You've only been in the band since 10:30 this morning!"

"My uncle once punched a man so hard his legs became trombones."

"I don't accessorise. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me."

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[Main image: BBC]