Lenny’s Legacy: Sheffield couple ‘devastated beyond words’ after losing two babies within a year

First son Lenny died during birth – and then second son Bhai died still in the womb, at 18 weeks gestation. The pain they suffered has now driven them to set up a new charity, ‘Lenny’s Legacy’ which supports bereaved parents, and they have travelled to New Zealand to raise money with a mammoth cycling fundraiser.

Mim, a 34-year-old social research consultant and registered social worker, and Roy, a 35-year-old physics teacher, who live in Woodseats, say the death of a child is devastating for any parent and impacts on every single aspect of their lives. After watching Lenny die, they had a post-mortem and held a funeral, only to be faced with having to do so a second time just eight months later.

Mim said: “Lenny died two days after his due date. I went into labour and everything was fine. We were at the hospital, everything was fine. He was born, and then he died, and it really is as shocking as that.

“All the medical staff were really shocked. Basically, he was tangled in his chord. There was no way anyone could have known that, and that cut off his oxygen supply and he died right at the end of birth.

“I don’t think anyone in the room expected it, least of all us. If I’m honest, we’re still very much in shock, it’s just absolutely devastating, to have that moment of meeting your first child, and then watching him die.

“He was placed on my chest and then was resuscitated, but the resuscitation was unsuccessful. I don’t really have the words for it. Then with Bhai, our second son, we were quite nervous because after Lenny died, we found out about all sorts of different situations where babies can die so we were aware of them, but to be honest we didn’t think we would have another loss, we had no reason to think that.

“My pregnancy had been really healthy with Lenny, my pregnancy was really healthy with Bhai. Again he died very suddenly at 18 weeks due to placental abruption. We were shocked and devastated about both of them, and the two together is more than one plus one. It just feels insurmountable really.”

Their experience of loss has now led them to set up a charity to help support those who lose a child, by making sure those around them are able to help. They feel some around them struggled to help them. The couple have plans for a charity which will help to educate and bolster support networks for bereaved parents and are aiming to raise £20,000 to fund the project.

They are cycling from one end of New Zealand to the other to raise money and have set up a crowdfunding appeal. Log onto https://www.gofundme.com/f/lennys-legacy-babyloss-awareness to donate.

Mim said: “I think the only way you can cope when your child dies is to take one step at a time, like we have. The reason why we’ve come away is to try to take a day at a time and be able to just stay in the moment and just cycle to the next place, pitch up, go to bed, do the same thing again, because this past year, we’ve had two funerals, two post mortems, all these things that no parent should ever have to do, and we’ve had to do them twice – investigations and all sorts of things.

"The support that has been available to us, we’ve had an excellent bereavement midwife. I do have to say that all our medical care, we were at Chesterfield Hospital, and it’s been excellent. But what we’ve found is that that’s not enough.

“We’ve had chats with the bereavement midwife, and we’ve had some counselling that was initially free, from a charity, and then we’ve had to pay for it. But what we’ve found is that it’s all very well having an hour a week, with somebody who’s very helpful, but what we’ve found was lacking was that friends and family wanted to support us and just did not know what to say, and often did or said things that were hurtful.

“So, what our charity aims to do is help people to help bereaved parents. It’s about supporting the support network, supporting other healthcare professionals, because it’s all very well the bereavement midwife being the expert, but there are GPs, there are nurses, there are all sorts of other people you come into contact with, and although no one can make this situation any better, some people can make things a lot worse. It’s about supporting them with things like their language, how to support bereaved parents. I think if we had that, it would have made our journey a lot gentler, if people in our lives had known how to support us better.”

Roy and Mim are taking on their cycling trip at a time when they should be celebrating Lenny’s first birthday, Christmas and welcoming Bhai. They see the trip as a way to survive.

They will also be creating an adventure film of the trip to raise awareness of baby loss, with the help of a film company, a drone and a GoPro. They always wanted to instil a sense of adventure in their children so are undertaking a challenge unlike any they’ve undertaken before in their sons’ honour.

Using their professional backgrounds and personal experience, they hope their charity will deliver training to healthcare professionals and employers. They will also produce resources for bereaved parents and their families and friends and continue to communicate the latest research findings in accessible ways.